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Kids Busted for Selling Cupcakes

New Castle boys were reported to the police by a town councilman for selling cupcakes in the park this fall.

The police are cracking down on these pockets of illicit enterprise, setting a harsh example for others who might follow in the tracks of these pint-sized entrepreneurs.

“We can’t have kids out there just earning money for themselves,” stated one source close to the situation. “What kind of world are we living in? The kind of place where youngsters think it’s ok to work for a living? To their own bosses? To be resourceful? I don’t want to live in a world like that. No, sir. We’ve got to clamp down on this dangerous sense of independence and self-reliance before it mushrooms.”

Another official was quoted as saying, “It just chaps my hide that these kids would have the nerve to go out there and start their own business and make money. Usually we have to deal with drug peddlers and thieves. We’re not used to handling honest hardworking kids, and we don’t like it.”

One confidential source reveals, “On the surface, it might look harmless. But if you look deeper, you realize these kids are shrugging off years of public school indoctrination into the system of learned helplessness and dependency that our society depends on for future voters. They’ve obviously been thinking for themselves. It could get out of hand. Someday, they might want to start their own businesses or create a new product or cure a disease. The possibilities for mass damage are frightening.”

Other areas of juvenile commerce to be targeted by the new crackdown include lemonade stands, doing chores for grandma, trading baseball cards, and swapping Silly Bandz bracelets.

“We plan to micromanage and regulate every small detail of society from the amount of salt used to the kind of speech allowed. It’s our job to monitor every aspect of your life. Plus, we need the revenue from licensing to cover our outrageous spending practices. As you know, government from the top down tends to fund useless studies, unappealing works of art, and worthless projects that benefit no one. If we start losing money because of failure to pay licensing fees, some turtles in the Everglades might not get their crossing lane on a remote roadway or scientists won’t have the money to study cow flatulence. I know that seems like a reach since this is just a local issue, but these cupcake sales are just a gateway to bigger forms of tax evasion,” stated an unnamed government official.

Stiff fines and long jail sentences are being considered for all kids caught selling or trading anything without a license.

“We’ll teach those little &*##@s not to try and earn money by working,” said one hard-faced official.

It is theorized this move will lead to a thriving black market for cupcakes and lemonade.

Freelance journalist | Stretch Thatruth | 11-21-2010

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