wodke-hawkinson.com Blog Musings from deviant minds (Or how writers think)


Volcano To Be Arrested

Offensive Volcano

Mount Bromo, a volcano in Indonesia, is spewing plumes of smoke and ash into the air. Not only is the volcano causing pollution and disrupting flight schedules due to visibility issues, it has refused to work with negotiators or mitigate its behavior in any way.

Law Enforcement Responds

The EPA has sent officers to confront the volcano and arrests are expected soon. When asked how the volcano will be remanded into custody, the EPA officials were baffled. "We don't exactly have that part figured out yet," one anonymous source told this reporter, "but we can't disregard this blatant criminal action on the part of any natural element. Next thing you know, rivers will go where they want and winds will blow where they may. No, we've got to nip this in the bud right now. This volcano is just simply being rude." Questions of whether an arrest was the best approach to the problem met with this snippy response, "Well, we can't exactly pull its panties down and spank it, can we?"

I then asked if he thought the volcano was contributing to environmental concerns, and he rolled his eyes. "Of course! You're probably too young to remember, but eruptions such as these used to lead to global cooling. Then they led to global warming, you know. Now they mainly lead to climate change. But no matter what you call it, it's destructive and it's a demonstration of poor manners on the part of the volcano."

"How about rehabilitation programs?" I queried.

"Not in this case," he fumed. "Statistics show that doesn't work."

When questioned about jurisdictional problems that might arise from the arrest of the volcano by the USA's EPA, he refused to answer. More on this story as it develops.

Filed by: Ima Lyer, freelance reporter

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