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Robots Discriminated Against

robot on bike


 This report just in from our correspondent, B. F. Lyer

 A piece of sweeping and controversial legislation was passed today banning all robots from driving motor vehicles. Several groups have called this new law prejudicial and discriminatory. A well-regarded political analyst blames passage of the Draconian law on misaligned districting, asserting that robots are underrepresented in Congress. This claim is completely discredited by simply looking at a list of the majority of politicians currently serving. The robot vote was instrumental in the political victories of at least 75% of sitting Congresspersons.

 How this will impact the robot community is a hotly debated issue. Many robots will be forced to sell their vehicles to humans, or dismantle them and turn them into yard art and other unsightly sculptures. This could lead to a sharp increase in unattractive landscaping, warns one urban beautification expert.

During an interview with one robot, Xerz, he expressed the outrage felt by an entire population. “What the hell happened to civil rights in this country?” he intoned in a flat mechanical voice. Although his monotone did not convey actual emotion, the frustration can be inferred. Xerz stated that he would now be biking to his job in the Land of Oz, which will add 3.478 hours to his commute each day.

Robot advocacy groups warn this legislation will have a huge impact on the upcoming election. “We’re the ones who voted them in,” states Xerz, “and this is the thanks we get?”

The automobile insurance industry is lobbying for repeal and lawsuits are pending on behalf of numerous state and local governments, upon whom the burden of enforcement has fallen. "I don't like the idea of pulling over every robot I see driving a car," one sheriff complained. In response to that sentiment, some politicians are suggesting the IRS take an active role in compliance oversight. "After all, if anyone can relate to robots, it's the IRS," said former Speaker Peelouse with a stiff unyielding smile as she struck various campy poses for disinterested photographers.

More on this story as it develops.

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